Of course, you’ll have to excuse my n00b as I’m fairly green to the medium. I understand that I tipped the bit a panel early and that color, in general, is not generally accepted. But I tried and that’s the important part, right?

I’ve got a couple of talking points so do me a favor and hold on to your dicks because we’re in for a long one.

Rage comics, in general, are terrible. I’m sure we can all agree that most are nonsensical and poorly written. This comic is of no exception. Although what rage comics have demonstrated is that webcomics are accessible to anyone who has a penchant to fill-in-the-blank and while this has a propensity to dilute the medium, it provides a voice to those who may lack artistic talent. What was interesting with the trend- at least in my case- is that the words bore much more of the yoke in the meaning. What I mean to say is, that it wasn’t just pretty pictures carrying the message. I found myself blocking out any art altogether and keying in on the Courier New for brevity. Because I had a predisposition to believe that the comic was going to suck, I read for speed any time I saw the familiar four panels. The important part of it was that I was reading. I’m sure there can be some interesting study done on the psyche of the rage comics phenomena but I neither have the time nor the graduate sociology thesis to fulfill.

I want to share a bit about me now, so let go of your dicks and gather ’round.

If you’re unfamiliar with webcomics, then penny-arcade.com is almost always a good place to start. They’re one of the most successful in the business and an example in the industry of how to run a successful company. Recently, they ran a kickstarter campaign with a goal to raise enough money to run their website (and provide for their staff) without the need for an ad-based revenue model. As one of their stretch goals, they unlocked their “StripSearch” initiative. Basically, Strip Search is a reality show for webcomic artists.

It would be disingenuous to hide the fact that I entered the competition especially because I didn’t make the cut. Not even past the first round and into the top 100. A myriad of questions immediately ran through my head when I received the following automated message:

Thank you for applying to be on Strip Search! We had over 500
people submit to be on the show, all of which had an incredible
amount of promise and/or talent. Unfortunately, we don’t feel this
season of Strip Search is right for you – there are only a dozen
spots to fill, so we’ve had to make some difficult decisions in our
selection process.

Given the sheer volume of applicants, we sadly are unable to
answer specific questions about why you were not selected. We
just don’t have the bandwidth to cover those types of requests.

Good luck on your future endeavors – we’ll have your application
on file in case we feel your talents will be a better match for a
future season. Thanks!

Was I not good enough? Was my work too trite or contrived? Did they just not like ME?! I felt I had prepared a very compelling presentation and for sure, for sure, if they saw it: I’d be a shoo-in. Absolutely and without a doubt.

But there in lies the rub: they never saw my portfolio. Never even looked at it.

How do I know? Well… I know. I provided a very unique URL and even coded some triggers to alert me that the site was hit. It was never hit before I received the email.

I understand the process is long and arduous. It can’t be fun to have to sift through over 500 entries and cull through their questions as well as their stupid drawings. But I believed that’s what was to be. I believed that because I had gotten to know the people behind the comic through their PATV web series, that I felt the competition they were running was to be a meritocracy. That if I presented my work and myself in a manner that would ring to them, then they’d have no chance at denying me. I can guarantee that I worked harder on my proposal than any of the other entrants and to have my portfolio not even so much as even glanced upon hurts.

But that’s the reality of reality TV.

Maybe I didn’t answer the questions quite right but I was under the impression that we would be primarily on our works. I felt my answers were just and heart-felt. I double and triple-checked my spelling and grammar. I made sure to stay under the word limit. But it was all for naught.

Does that mean I’m going to boycott? Despite the sting, absolutely not. I love the PATV site and love pretty much anything they churn out over at Penny-Arcade. They’re an inspiration and a beacon. That’s why I wanted so badly to be on the show. Not for the prize money- I would have done it for no prize and even paid my way to Seattle. I wanted to be in that atmosphere and excel at the challenges they’d have put me through and sure, the exposure would be nice, but just to have had the opportunity to contribute to their show would have been momentous for me.

I would have fucked it all up. No chance!

Perhaps that’s why I wasn’t selected: they wanted a competition and not a slaughter.

Sad song, sleepy song.

I’ve often thought about being more politically or socially conscionable but the amount of information that I would have to consume to ensure my opinion is properly grounded in fact is immeasurable. I think it to envision backyard coup d’etats and write ad nauseum on the subject.

At least then, I’d have ALL the facts.

Who?

There are a few factors that attributed to my unannounced and probably unnoticed hiatus. There was the sickness: a period of time where I had chronic daily migranes (probably an allergy-related thing: WEIRD!), there was the SICKNESS where Shingles knocked me on my ass and out of order for a week, there was the move, there was the uncertain work situation, and there was the exhaustion. Perhaps thrice-weekly is too aggressive a schedule on top of a full-time week. I’m sure there are people out there who can manage it but I am no longer one of them. I like sleep. I need sleep. Sleep is good.

I think moreso it’s that I didn’t altogether respect the process. Webcomics is serious business and it takes a ton of time and dedication to the craft to produce something at a consistent and high level. I took for granted that, given my exhuberance in starting this project. I had a renaissance of thoughts, ideas, arching story lines, a massive backlog, and character development. I wanted so bad to tell a story and use my creativity. I love to draw, so I thought: this should be easy.

It wasn’t.

DirtyNickname for Dirty. told me repeatedly throughout the entirety of my affliction and even now, how difficult it is to write a proper Shingles joke and for once in his stupid-ass, goddamned life: he’s right. It’s not a terribly fun or funny situation to be in and it’s not entirely too common so I thought I’d find something analogous. Shingles generally only affects the elderly: even the ad campaigns for the vaccine (WHICH ISN’T 100% EFFECTIVE!) are geared towards a more silvered people. Maybe they can use this comic to help spread the message.

Here’s your reward. Feel free to swipe it and share it with your friends. Just show a little love!

I haven’t been lying in wait for the game (OVER TEN YEARS?!) so I don’t have any particular angst or anguish towards errors 37,
3003, and/or 3006. To me, it’s just another day of waiting. To some, it’s a reason to throw the game that they’ve languished for straight out the door.

A launch of this scale is a particularly unpredictable beast so perhaps a measure of understanding should be applied. Then again, they’ve had time to think about it. There is so much infrastructure that needs to hum perfectly to get this thing right and really, you aren’t 100% sure it’ll go off without a hitch until the first hitch topples over a series of larger and insurmountable hitches.

One day, a release day will launch perfectly. One day, someone will get it right and we’ll long for the days when we had something like this to complain about, right?

This is most definitely a flight of fancy. I’ve taken two completely unrelated events and made them into one. That’s how most conspiracy theories start, I suppose, so why not stoke some flames? It is 2012, after all.

And an election year, at that.

If you don’t quite know what I’m talking about on either event, I invite you to join me. Then come back and tell me how wrong I am.

Please.

That’s right… not even at the CS level.

In this series of tutorials, we demonstrate the power of content-aware patching’s improved algorithm and man, is it beautiful.

Looks like I have a lot of editing to do…

Part of me is in awe of how far technology has come and another part of me is nervous in anticipation of the future. This is a piece of the SkyNet algorithm that we’ve just written in its eventual quest to become self-aware.

1. (activity)
2. (plural noun)
3. (positive adjective)
4. (verb, present participle)
5. (noun)

Here are my excuses in relation to the comic:

1. comic
2. comics
3. well
4. working
5. time

And now, a little variety:

1. jumping jacks
2. double-clutching spin moves
3. fantabulastic
4. masturbating
5. ability to write and draw new comics.

The conversation never took place but I hear their goddamn voices in my head and they are relentless in their wanton encouragement of my success. Voracious, even! Vociferous!

There are your two-dollar words of the day. That’ll be $5.

This isn’t true: well, not entirely. Sam really doesn’t want the fourth edition to be a prequel but there really isn’t anyone left for Kratos to fight, save himself. It’s not only the natural progression of the series, it’s the only step that really makes sense and is probably being taken as a measure of redemption for God of War 3.

Kratos, in his onset, was interesting. His mythology allowed for people to connect to him on a personal level while still being in awe of his power. In some sense, that power transferred to the player and we were able to feel as if we were the ones waging the war as well as wielding the weight.

The heady and generically barbaric modus of Kratos’ operandi in God of War 3 didn’t allow for that same connection. We couldn’t be as compelled by his story at this point in his all-out rampage because we (as well as seemingly he) had forgotten what it was.

Ascension serves as a reminder: a path for the wayward warrior to return home. For us to be reconnected with the prodigal son and be reminded of the specific mass and trajectory that could drive a person to such grave extreme.